The boundary of time is being aware of how you are spending the resource of hours or minutes you have in a day to address a situation, goal or circumstance. It can be argued that time is made up construct, but most humans are governed by the clock in one way or another. How we spend these resources are not always up to us. We have busy lives and 24 hours in a day to get things done. Some of how we spend our time is based on jobs, kids, partners and situations. The boundaries that we are responsible for can be dictated by these circumstances. What we can control to varying degrees is how we limit the time we spend doing things that can feel challenging or burdensome. Now I am not suggesting you just disregard the flow of your life as it stands right now. What I am suggesting is to be mindful of how and with whom you are spending your time. I would encourage you to think about the things you do freely, enjoying the time you spend to get your needs met. I want you to think about if the people around you are respectful of your time as a commodity. How we feel about our time helps to inform the way we set up limits of access to our time. If you are scheduled to work a 9-hour shift but your boss is often asking that you stay late, how do you feel about that? Can you have a conversation about it and also can you choose to leave when your shift ends? If someone comes to visit and they often overstay their welcome or extend how long they stay, can you suggest they come earlier or leave by a certain time. When you set up a meeting and people are often late or wander in after you start, can you create a policy or rule about starting on time?
How we spend the supply of time with our family and loved ones is also a place to consider how we set boundaries. What are we doing with/for these people and what are we getting in return? What is our expectation around the time we spend with them? Something to be aware of is how we are using the time with the people close to us. Consider how you feel when you are spending time with them. What is your energetic capacity and willingness to use your time resource with family? Often, these people are used to us giving of our time and not necessarily appreciating the cost we endure to spend time with them. When we can regulate the amount and quality of time, we might be able to adjust the toll on our mental health. If you start to set some limits around your time, you will notice that you have more time and energy to do other things. If you take an opportunity to evaluate your capacity and acknowledge if you are running low or feeling good, then you can choose to engage further or take a step back. Increasing your awareness of how you feel can inform your conscious decision to participate in any activity. I like to consider how our peace of mind is being taxed with the time we are spending with other people.
I challenge you to keep in mind the things you do out of a sense of obligation to the people around you. We sometimes do things because they are what is expected of us due to our role or position in a relationship not considering whether we want to actually spend the time doing that thing. Obligation can be a slippery slope because people may have an expectation of our time doing things, we don’t want to engage in. It would be important to identify what needs are met by you taking time from your day and if someone else could spend that same time doing that thing. You might have to set a limit to the time you spend doing those things and see if those expectations can be met by someone else. I like to have clients work with the idea of saying no to doing certain things with or for other people they are doing things from a sense of obligation. They might benefit from setting up the expectation with people close to them and then have them observe how these people will find a way to get their needs met in the absence of your time. What I have noticed is people will find a way to get their needs met without you always having to use your time resource. They will start to ask others or do things on their own. You don’t actually need to take time from what you’re doing to get things done. When we can pull back and allow the other person to problem solve, the task becomes less of an obligation for you and more for the other person to figure out. It is amazing how resourceful people become when they come against a limit or boundary.
Another way to consider time boundaries would be to consider how you set limits around your own time. The idea of compartmentalizing what you do and when. There is also a component of how you are spending your time on and for yourself then using boundaries to protect that time. Asking for your time to respected can be tricky when it comes to certain people or environments. Some people struggle with prioritizing themselves. They tend to overextend their time for others and then build up resentment or anger about their choice or feel as though they don’t have a choice in the matter. Setting limits before going into a situation can be helpful. Talking about how you feel in specific situations with the people close to you would be something to be mindful of. Setting aside time for your needs, wants and desires is crucial for your wellbeing. I would encourage you to list a 5 things you enjoy doing and consider the last time you engaged in those things. Think about the activities that bring you joy and fill your cup. Consider the times in recent past when you feel rejuvenated and centered. Now, think about how you can reintegrate these practices into your life and what you can shift or set a boundary in order to do so.
A while back I started making my time a priority in the beginning of the day. I am a morning person. I have more energy and feel my best first thing in the morning. I used to rush around in the morning getting things ready for other people. When I started to take the best part of my energy and using it for me, I started to feel calmer and more engaged in the day. I started to use that time for exercise, meditation and grounding. I took those precious hours to prepare myself for the day ahead. I created a practice of limiting how many clients I would see in a day and stuck to that limit. I made sure to stick to my own limits and not deviating from it. I put aside time for breaks daily and not schedule work during that time. What I found was I had energy at the end of the day to do things for myself like making a good dinner or making plans with people close to me. I felt more motivated to work during the day. I could be fully engaged in seeing clients. I was able to enjoy the time I was using making my needs a priority. Admittedly, I work for myself and run my own schedule. For people who don’t have this luxury and have to adhere to a set schedule, I encourage you to you increase your awareness of when you have the most energy and feel your best, how can you spend that time giving yourself what you need? How can you use that time to get grounded and centered? Do you need silence, do you need more rest?
We all have busy lives and are pulled in many directions. When we can recognize time as a resource and how it can be used to create peace for ourselves, we will work harder to protect it and use it wisely. I know it can feel like you need more hours in a day to get all the things done. It can feel like there is not enough of you to go around. Protecting your peace and mental health can be a motivation to be more mindful in how you use the precious commodity of your time. The grown people around you will only respect your time when you start to respect it yourself. They will learn how to do that when you model that for them by setting boundaries or limits around accessing it. Think of your time as something precious and treat it accordingly. If you set limits around it and keep some for yourself you are adding it as a resource like food, water, and shelter to take care of yourself better.
Things to consider:
Think about what part of the day you enjoy and how can you incorporate rituals and practices to take care of you?
When we consider the amount of time it takes to engage with these other people do you feel drained or are you invigorated?
What is the cost to you if you participate in these activities?
How do you feel when you overextend your time with certain people or in specific situations?
Where can you set some boundaries for your own time to take better care of yourself?
What are things you can eliminate from your schedule to give more time to taking care of yourself?
Specifically, when you can a NO benefit how you can love yourself better by giving that time to you?