Setting a boundary can be challenging especially in long standing relationships. It is important to consider the types of boundaries there are and how to create a framework around setting them. There are five primary types of boundaries to be aware of Time, Thoughts, Emotions and Physical/Material and Sex. I will be breaking them down by category and then use some examples of how creating limits in these ways helps to manage your peace as well as helps you establish an expectation of needs in relationship with other people. Keep in mind the goal of setting boundaries is to be aware of where you end and where someone else begins. A boundary or limit needs to be managed by you as your behavior is the only one you can control. You can communicate the limit to someone else but the follow up is yours to maintain. A boundary can be a no but can also be an opportunity to say yes to yourself.
Boundaries can also be set for and with yourself. Often, we put our needs and expectations last and put those of other people first. Setting boundaries for yourself can help to build practices of making yourself a priority. The goal would eventually be to make sure you have your needs, desires and wants met, addressing those primarily then to take care of other people if you so choose. When we start to value our time, thoughts, space, emotions, sex and things we work to make sure they are protected in a way that makes us feel better. Setting limits for yourself and about yourself helps you to shift the perspective inward rather than outside of yourself for attention, validation, and acceptance.
Communicating boundaries is something people struggle with, especially as adults. We don’t always enjoy having to ask for what we need or don’t like from people we are in relationship with. As with anything else, we do have to communicate our needs and expectations in order to get them met. We can find it challenging to determine where we end and someone else begins. So many idealized relationships are about people becoming one entity or unit. The reality is we are separate autonomous beings even if we are all collectively part of a family, group or couple. Having autonomy is in many ways freedom. If we can recognize that having control of your physical space, time, energy, thoughts, things and sexuality are a gift it might help to create a sense of care and attention to help safeguard it.