Have you ever been about to make a decision and your gut tensed up? Have you ever been driving around at night and turned left instead of right? This is your intuition guiding you. Human beings are the only creature on the planet who go against our natural instincts. We consciously choose to do the opposite of what our intuition says. We will literally run into a burning building or go out with someone our whole body rejects. It is something that happens consciously. I have heard many a client say, they knew better and did it anyway. I have done things I should have avoided. What is it that makes go against our higher self to do what we “should” do or “have” to do? Something to consider is that when we shut down that first inclination, we make our lives significantly more difficult. Part of doing this is a lesson we need to learn but we could likely learn it in a better way.
I like to remind clients to check in with their gut, their solarplexius or their intuition. After trauma or growing up in a situation where they were often forced to do things from obligation or perceived need, they stop listening to their own gut. We can watch little kids and see that they do things by instinct often. They will be attracted to things that are visually pleasing, sounds that are comforting and people they feel safe with. At a certain point, the adults in their lives will, intentionally or unintentionally, go against this attraction or instinct. Adults are working from constraints of time, emotions or societal obligations. Think about the last time you didn’t like someone or an environment right from the beginning. That is your instinct.
I talk about healing by aligning your head or thoughts, your heart or emotions and your gut or your intuition. When you start to respond from an alignment of the three of these things, you will start to feel stronger. It takes time to turn up the volume on your intuition. We often get overwhelmed by our thought or react from pure emotion. When we can take some time to breathe and listen to the small voice inside of ourselves, we will begin to make more informed decisions. Think about how it feels in your body when your instinct is talking to you. Some people feel a flutter or a tension. Pay attention to that. It will be important not to fall into old habits because of what is expected of you.
When was the last time you felt your best? What were you doing? What was the environment like. Who was around you? We are so often doing things from obligation; we have turned off our own ability to make a decision from what is best for us. We are thinking about how we don’t want to disappoint someone or how we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Here’s a thought, people are allowed to feel they way they are going to. That includes disappointment. No one ever died from being disappointed. They might be hurt. They might get angry. They might feel some type of way. Their feelings are less about you and more about their own expectations. When we take a step back and start doing what is best for us, some people aren’t going to like it. They will also get over it or get out of your way.
One way to get back in tough with your own instincts is to increase your awareness of how it feels to do things you like doing. You might not know what that is anymore. What did you used to like? How did it feel the last time you did that thing? When was the last time you made a decision that was best for you? You will start to recognize that your heart, head and gut will feel in alignment. You will have less anxiety when you say what you really want to. You will start to have an easier time making decisions.
Another way to turn up your intuition is to recognize what you have been able to overcome or get through. We have all had that feeling that you couldn’t live through a really hard time. If you think about the last time you felt raw, defeated or broken. You got through that. You are here today. You might be a little bruised or even have some scars but you got past that really tough time. That is an indication that you can get through tough things. That’s one way to know that you can trust yourself. You got up off the bathroom floor. You got up again when you thought you couldn’t. You washed off the dirt, cleaned up the wound and moved on. Think about leaving that job or that bad relationship. You aren’t who you were before now. There is often a small voice inside you that is begging you to make a change. The more you pay attention to your instinct, that voice gets louder. The more you are doing things for you, your intuition gets stronger.
Think about people you know or even yourself, are you relying on other people’s opinions when you make decisions? Do you ask other people’s perspective when you are thinking about doing things or are you able to trust your own decision making? I once gave my decision-making power to my best friend. I had a series of bad relationships and couldn’t trust myself to make a good choice. She took the role seriously. She gave me a couple options and would often help me weigh them out. I got better at really listening to myself and recognized that I could make better choices if I trusted my gut. There have been a few different times when I have thought, I had better check in with someone outside of myself. I call that needing an adult. When you aren’t sure, its ok to check in with a close friend to check your work. This would be a person whose judgement you trust but also someone who will hold you accountable. But when you’re doing it all the time, that’s a problem. The opinions of others aren’t helpful if you have to live with the consequences.
I will ask a client, when they are struggling to make a decision, what do you want to do? It is often the opposite of what they are considering. We lose our way to what we want when we are thinking about what other people will say or think about our choices. I can tell you when you are making a choice based on the needs of other people, you are likely giving away a part of yourself. Give enough parts of yourself away, you are left with a shell of who you are. It will take time to get back to the truest version of you. The good thing is you can do it. One decision at a time. Even something as basic as what you want to eat or what you want to wear. When you get back in touch with yourself, it becomes easier to recognize what you like. That being said, there are sometimes when it is helpful to pay attention to what is motivating the choices you’re making. If the choice is because you really don’t want to do that thing, ok. If you are doing it for other people, its time reevaluate the decision.
Trusting yourself will take time. Especially if you have stopped listening to your gut. When you are making decisions from that place consistently, it gets easier. It will take time to feel more in control of your instinct. When you can start with easy choices like what to have for breakfast or how you want your coffee, you can then apply that feeling to other choices. It might be helpful to do some mediation. Get quiet and ask what you need for the day ahead. At points during the day, take inventory of what you need. Checking in with yourself gives you an opportunity to become familiar with your inner voice. Recognize that when you become familiar with that voice, it gets louder. Creating moments to tune into yourself will help. When you are behaving from a place of instinct and loving yourself best, you will feel a greater sense of peace and grounding.
Things to consider:
When was the last time you went against your instinct? How did that work out?
What is your normal process when making big choices?
Can you think of the most recent decision you made from your gut?
What are three things you do to bring your instinct back online?
Who can you turn to in an “I need an adult” situation?